| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2009|01:14 am] |
quick catch up...
-quitting drugs lasted a week the it turned into every second day then 2 days on 2 off the fullscale back into and then some
-not doing good at all trying to save money for a house
-got 2 new tattoos
-had a shitty ass valentines
-awesome ass st patricks day
-trouble sleeping but waking up earlier
-had tons of fights with erik about stupid shit causing long term tension causing me to run away with cassie for the night then made up
-went on a bus for the first time with erik to the forks
-experiencing sloppy emotional ups and downs
-got a nice tan |
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| coffee jitters or worse |
[Jan. 17th, 2009|01:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  beautiful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sleep cassie hatcher | ] |
todays day 4 of the quitting. i feel alive again but not quite up to par but even so its so exciting. it feels ike im being born again. especially with cassies music turned up. ive been really emotional and stoned the past couple days. ive been tempted to go back so many times but have fought it off. except for once on day 2. it wasnt enough to even do anything though mostly i did it cuz i was too stoned to remember i was quitting. im not counting it though. it will interfere with what ive accomplished so far. im such a wreck right now all the emotions ive been numbed to through drugs are starting to peak out and overwhelm me. i dont know what to do with myself. i want to lay in the middle of somewhere and scream and let myself be released. their is really no way to express this freedom and new appreciation for life and love. everything is so much more beautiful. |
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| alliteration speech |
[Jan. 7th, 2009|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
mikes making a movie. the story is about this guy who gets hit by a car and slips into a coma. in his dream hes suicidal and at the end looks into the sky, through the universe and out of his skin which is where my speech comes into play. here it is;
i was abandoned, accidentally by my own animosity. ive adapted to my alcohol addiction, to my anxious armor that anticipates abuse, to my apathetic aches of awful ambivolence. my affection for anger appeases my abundant and abstract asphyxiation on my internal appocolypse.
ive learned to leave losing. ive been lewd, lazy and have lathered my lust to levitate from this limbo. i miss my life and want to love lively as lethally as lava. the luxury of lies have been less lucky than limp logic. i must let loose this last lucid lament and unleash this litherly leapord.
at last ive astonished those applying my label... myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2008|12:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
i want a cigarette. |
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| the mom... |
[Dec. 13th, 2008|01:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hold me in your arms- i cant remember | ] |
the other day cassie had given me the number for marlene- leannes mom... apparently she was looking for coke and cassie couldnt handle dealing with brant so she asked me if i could. i never got around to it. i guess cassie had given her my number because today marlene called me. (this is a really boring story...) so after work i eneded up getting a ride with mike, getting gas, going to the bank putting my cheque in and seeing brant. after that we continued to go to marlenes where her boyfriend had come out to meet us. i dont know why but i really didnt expect him to be that old. i guess you can still party after you have kids and get old.
this entry has made me reflect on my purpose of having a journal. i guess the main reason like anyones id to be able to look back and reflect on your past. perhaps just day to day stories like my recent ones arent exactly what id like to look back on. i think it would be more productive to also include my thougths and theories to track how i grow. so far since ive started to write again i havent been doing that.
i think eriks home now i can hear him coming up the stairs... false alarm? looks like it... too bad. im bored. maybe ill look back on some entries. |
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| blah blahblahb |
[Nov. 28th, 2008|05:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  my back hurts | ] |
| [ | music |
| | driven under- seether | ] |
i wrote a song.... here it is:
should i be asleep now, seems the world is
well forget my frown, and all this slumber biz
so ill light a cigarette, and stop to think
and start to dig, at the reason im a creep.
i have a pen and paper, a guitar and a hat
so i rip the paper, take off my hat
burn the guitar, and go to sleep
and start to dream
of another time, where its you and me
the smiles are free and youre all i see.
i wrote this last night when erik was asleep.
im so down today. why is withdrawel so hard? |
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| SUPER...pooo |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|05:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | beck- Epro | ] |
psyche! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2006|12:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | butt plug- broadway traffic lights | ] |
kicking a full frozen and solid can of pepsi into the street and waiting for a car to smash it and make it explode is fun
and dont you hate when you make food in the microwave and whatever you made it on, the plate the bowl or whatever, ends up being hotter than the food itself then the food is still cold or frozen? whats with that... geez! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|07:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blind | ] |
| [ | music |
| | .......STUPID | ] |
i have sunglasses and now that theyre on my head (my dad just sprayed something and it really stinks. like one of those stinks thats suppossed to smell good but really doesnt and just over powers every other stink. its really bad) so now that theyre on my head it got me thinking. the whole reason i got them in the first place was because its so fucking bright out which really doesnt make any sense because i cant remember ever thinking that in summer, just now. well, actually this morning. anyway, so why are sunglasses more popular in summer than in winter. like, sure summers bright and sometimes calls for them, but winter is just so much more blinding in everyway. not only does the sun seem to be brighter, it also reflects off the snow making it twice as bright. and thats a hell of a lot of fuckin bright. so walking out the door this morning, i was blindedso fucking badly by that god damn bright, i actually screamed in pain. my pupils were all comfy and cozy inside not expecting anything, then BAM walk outside and they shrink 10 fold. ouch. fucking bright... mess with me... kill you... |
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| its almost valentines... lionel ditched |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | talk show on mute- incubus | ] |
awww my ear hole is gooping. this makes me sad and it hurts. maybe i should clean it...
i woke up today with glue on my arm and it was good. wait. no it wasnt, it took 10 minutes to get off. point is, i think i won that battle. just cause i had the upper hand. see theres johnny. katherines new bf. (i was at katherines last night). so he was there too and he woke me up to eat breakfast. of course i went back to sleep. i woke up 20 minutes later to him shoving deodarant in my face. it was a good smell... anyway, i go back to sleep he wakes me up again my pushing up from the bottom bunk kicking me so i throw kristas(katherines little sister) bra at him so he finds glue laying around and glues my elbow. that was when i knew he had a good sense of humour and went up in my books. (what books (its a stupid nonsense phrase you idiot(oh)))
last night at katherines i was doing dishes and her 8 year old niece came up to me and slapped my bum so i threw bubbles at her which ended in a half hour bubble war from the sink (haha loser(shut up)) so after the bubbles dissappeared, we made more, and bubbled the hell out of katherine and johnny, johnny of course joining us getting katherine. anyways, lots of bubbles.
i saw some good movies there too, including resevoir dogs (mr pink is the shit), pulp fiction (though i didnt get to finish watching it) just like heaven (they did end up playing the cure song at the end) and lord of illusion (great fuckin fucked up movie is yes(in bed(no))) |
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shithawk's journal